News Channel Infinity!
by Yamashita
Summary: Contains many shows AKA a cross-over This is me 'n Tori-bird's news cast with many characters! It's a comedy, though some parts are serious. Please read, joo won't be disappointed! x3
1. Monday :3 Yazoo the ass master

[Theme music plays and camera zooms into a silhouette of a desk and three people. The lights turn on revealing Besu[left], Tori[middle], and Pizza/Roy Mustang[right]]

Tori: [smiles] Hello and this is News Channel infinity. Winry has the night off.

Besu: So evening traffic will be covered by our new intern–Ikuto Tsukiyomi. Ikuto?

Ikuto: There has been a wreck on I-240, so try to avoid that area. There has also been a chemical spill near Appling and Reese. The area is cut off, so you might have to find a detour. That's it for the evening traffic reports, updates later on. [Grins at camera and mouths "hi mom, and Amu"]

Pizza: [face palms] Gosh… interns…

Besu: Alright-y! Now time for actual stories!

Tori: The biggest news right now is friggin world-wide! **OBAMA** has won the presidential election!!! [jumps on table, skirt swishing cuz of the fans, used for dramatic reasons]

Pizza: [reaches for pen by Besu and looks at "ceiling" as he does] Hm… Victoria's Secret?... Nice choice.

Tori: [glares and blushes] Yes! What of it? It's meh store!!!

Besu: [nervous laugh] How… ironic.

Producer [off screen]: Tori! Get down!

Tori: No! [sticks her tongue out] I can do what I want!

Pizza: No, no, no. Stay up there as long as you want [raises eyebrows twice] I rather enjoy the view.

Tori: [scowls and jumps off the table onto the ground] Pervert…you said the same thing last week. Oh, it seems we have breaking news downtown! [sits and drinks water like a pro.]

Besu: Ah.. yes. Penguins have suddenly evolved and can fly! They also have started getting jobs at Starbucks… huh…

Tori: Oh so that's why Twinkie went to Starbucks with me this morning! I knew it! The next thing everyone knows they will be taking over the wooorrrrllllddddd!!! [another blast from the fans, for dramatic reasons]

Pizza: Who's Twinkie…?

Tori: Meh amazing pet penguin, who I stole from a research facility in Okinawa. I mean…I got her from the pet store! [twitches]

Besu: I… bet you did. Anyway­– Now it's InuYasha with sports!

InuYasha: Keh…I still don't know how I got this job….

Tori: Because you have fans who adore you, unlike me [twitches cuz lying]

InuYasha: …Uh… right? Anyway… this paper says the Dallas Cowboys beat the Pittsburgh Steelers 36 to 16, and the Tennessee Vols lost to the Saints 67 to 4.

Besu: YEAH!! GO DIE, VOLS!!!! XD

Tori: SHWEET!!! Pay up Pizza, $200 remember? [motions with her hand to pay up]

Pizza: Damnit… I'll pay you later.

Tori: Where's my money bitch? [glares]

Pizza: Ok, moving on! We are now going on scene with Sasuke Uchiha. He is about to interview with the newest rape victim of the in-famous "Yazoo the ass master".

Tori: [turns her attention towards other screen] HIII Sasuke!!!!!!! [not a fan-girl squeal]

Sasuke: What did ya say I can't hear you!!! [shouts into microphone and everyone at the desk flies out of their seats onto the floor]

Tori: [stands up quickly and wipes invisible dust off skirt] I said hi… [Crew fixes Sasuke's hearing device in ear]

Sasuke: Oh, [clears throat] Hello Tori. [fake grin for t.v viewers]

Pizza: [sigh] Just get on with the story, please. It's almost time for a commercial…

Sasuke: Fine. [makes his way over to woman sitting in the back of an ambulance] Ok, after this break, we'll return with an interview with Miss. Kikyou…

**COMMERCIAL!! :D** {insert Panic! At the Disco song}

[going on inside the studio during commercial]

Tori: [stands up and tosses her shoes aside] Why do you make me wear this stuff…every guy I know makes fun of me for wearing a skirt! I've never worn a skirt in my whole damn life and I get a job here and this is what I wear! [rants as walking to doughnut table]

Miroku: Well I disagree [walks over to doughnut table]

Pizza: [sighs] Oh no…

Tori: Stick to attempting to charm Sango [stuffs powdered doughnut in mouth] I don't feel like hitting my producer only to get fired [glances at Besu] How could you have stand this pervert for as long as you have? [gulps coke down]

Besu: [sigh] I really don't know.

InuYasha: [comes back from bathroom] So what's that interview about again?

Tori: Umm… [gulps] you know the usual, rape victim 'n all…[nervous laugh]

Jakotsu: [stands up and walks over to InuYasha] Sorry to brake it to ya, honey–

Tori: [mouth drops open and stares at Jakotsu] Don't do it gay man! [jumps and tackles Jakotsu to the ground] Ooh what kind of perfume are you wearing? Is it from Victoria's Secret?

Jakotsu: Oh! Why yes it is! It's called "Lusty Love". [glances to InuYasha] And it's all for you. Babe. [winks]

InuYasha: [twitch] Help….

Tori: [gets off J.] Really? I can't believe my mom would name something so…gay… and back off he's Kagome's. Oh and no offense for the gay comment. [smiles]

Jakotsu: Oh none taken, sweetie. But I have to disagree on him being Kagome's.

Tori: You know what I'm going to stab you in the face with a spork! [grabs a fork and spoon and holds them together] why don't we have sporks?

Miroku: Alright, people! Places! Places! We're on air in 5! 4! 3! [motions 2 & 1]

[theme music plays]

Sasuke: Hi we're back with the rape victim Kikyou…

[in the studio]

Tori: Uh-oh…

Inuyasha: [spits coffee everywhere] WHAT? [glares at the three at the desk] –insert profanity of all sorts–

Tori: [thinks] good thing his mic is turned off…

[back with Sasuke and Kikyou]

Sasuke: So Kikyou, are you ok? That must've been a horrible experience… [tries to sound like he cares]

Kikyou: [in usual eerie voice] Oh, I'm fine… And it was quite the opposite… the experience was rather… enjoyable.

[In the studio]

Inuyasha: [faints]

Tori: Oh my… [gets up and kneels beside Inuyasha] Hey! Ikuto help me with him!

[Back to Sasuke and Kikyou]

Sasuke: [cough] Really? Aren't you supposed to be traumatized or something like that? [twitches]

Kikyou: Well maybe if the circumstances were different… I mean in hell you don't get any action. And believe me… Yazoo really is the ass master.

Sasuke: [takes two steps back] Ok…I'm leaving now because this is some really creepy stuff… [backs out of camera view and hops in van]

[Camera still on Kikyou, and Yazoo appears beside her. They start making out…–insert Fer Sure by Medic Droid– ]

Sasuke: Naraku! What in god's name are you doing!!! Get in the van…wait where'd he go? [sigh and hops in the front seat and takes off] I'm never doing rape victims again…

[In the studio]

Inuyasha: [wakes up and sees Kikyou and Yazoo doing…stuffers…still on air] Oh my god… [faints again]

[back on scene]

Naraku:[is crying in emo corner] Nooooooooooooooo…..my Kikyouuuuuuuuu! [cries]

**Random Viewers:**

**Mom: [notices young child doesn't say anything and is watching the new like any other tv show] Uhm… honey, aren't you going ask what their doing?**

**Child: Nope. I already know what they're doing! My teacher calls it "the special game". It's real fun!**

**Mom: What?! Who exactly is your teacher? **

**Child: [points to t.v screen] Her!**

**Mom: [rolls up sleeves] Oh! That –insert very very very long list of profanities– I'll be back later, Sweetie. Mommy has to go… "talk" to your "teacher".**

**Child: Ok! [completely oblivious]**

—**5 minutes later—**

**Mom: YOU LITTLE CLAY BITCH! [strangles Kikyou with her hair] **

**Yazoo: [sniffs] Uhm… I'm leaving now. Ta~! [skips off completely nude and police chase after him]**

**[Dad walks in house and notices child watching the news] **

**Child: Look, Daddy! It's mommy and Ms. Clay!**

**Dad: [stares at screen] Son… I want you to go to your room now.**

**Child: Aw… but it's not Thursday yet!**

**Dad: I don't care! Daddy's having his t.v time early this week!**

**Child: Ok, Daddy! [skips upstairs]**

**Dad: Damn! How did she find out?! But…[sniff] this is rather hot…My wife and my mistress... [sits on couch] Yeeea. x3**

[Back to studio]

Besu: [stares at camera] To… all you viewers…I'm very, very sorry you all had to see that… mentally scarring… "interview"…[is now twitching like crazy]

Pizza: And now weather with Jakotsu! [a little too cheerful ⌐.⌐ ]

Tori: [shifts her weight in her chair uncomfortable] trust me dear viewers, you don't want to sit by him…I've been scarred twice…[stands up and walks off, shaking] Ikuto! Give me a bucket, I'm going to puke!!! [Tori's voice fades]

Pizza: …Now the weather? [hurt voice]

[camera goes to Jakotsu]

Jakotsu: Oh my god! It's sooo humid! You wouldn't believe how much trouble I'm having with my hair! Sure, it's night time, but I'm going to be on air for a while then I'm heading out to the grand opening of the new gay bar! [pauses and waves hand up and down] Oppsies! I'm not supposed to let it get out I'm gay! Which I'm not, of course… [turns slightly to point at warm front]. Any-whosie… a warm front is coming through, so break out the shorts, honey! It's time to flaunt those gorgeous little potukises~!

Besu: [nodds {A/N: I spell it cool w}] M-hm-m-hm. Thank you, Jakotsu. =D

Tori: [comes back and looks at watch] Oh no!!! We're five minutes over you guys. Dear C.S.I Miami viewers should be watching the beginning, like me!!! Miroku why didn't you say anything? [runs out the door screaming "must see Eric and Kallie!"]

Besu: Well… I guess that's it for tonight's edition of News Channel Infinity! I'm Besu Kuroda and that was Tori Ao!

Pizza: And I'm –not– Roy Mustang! [cool guy salute]

{A/N: The "not" was added in by Besu}

[Camera zooms out and lights dim. And of course, Besu and Pizza pretend they are talking]

**Off Air**

Besu: That… was the most interesting broadcast we've had in 2 years…

Pizza: I'll say, Jelly didn't even show up! I'm usually in so much pain by now…

Besu: Huh… that's true… I wonder where she could be…

[Jelly walks in hanging off of Yazoo's shoulder]

Jelly/Riza: Sorry, I'm late. I found this man running around the city nude… so I gave him some clothes and he is quite the gentleman!

Pizza: D: Nooo!!

Jelly: [brings out bazooka and blasts Pizza into room where Tori is watching C.S.I.]

Pizza: [crushes t.v.] Owwwww!....

Tori: [growls] You stupid colonel of perverts! Eric was about to get shot!!! GRRRR!!! [picks Pizza up by the collar and spins him around her head. Tosses him back into the news room] EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [cries over Eric]

Pizza: [cry face] Why meeeee....?

Jelly: [rolls eyes] Let's go, Yazoo. I promised you a ride home.

Yazoo: [evil smirk] Yeeea.

Besu: Geh… I'm goin' home… [grabs milkshake and leaves]

Ichijo: Wait up! I'm gonna come with you! [chases after her]

Kaname: …Wait… why did I come to work if I didn't do anything?...

Miroku: 'Cause you're still getting paid.

Kaname: Oh, that's right. Well bye. I promised Yuuki I'd go see her.

Kagome: Aw! 3

Kaname: [blushes and runs away]

Kagome: [sees InuYasha and walks over to him] Are you ok now?

InuYasha: I am now [glitter glitter sparkle sparkle]

Macho Nacho/Armstrong: NO! GIVE MY SPARKLES BACK! THEY'VE BEEN IN THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY FOR GENEREATIONS!

InuYasha: I bet they were. [grabs Kagome] Let's go.

Kagome: Ok! Bye Miroku~! Bye Sango~!

Sango: [waves]

Miroku: [turns to Sango] Let's go get milkshakes too! =D

Sango: If you buy. [giggle]

Miroku: Well…

Sango: …

Miroku: Just kidding! Let's go. [holds out arm]

Sango: [takes arm and they exit]

Jakotsu: [grabs boa and goes to the door]

Naraku: Hey, sweet-cheeks! Are you ready? {A/N: He got over Kikyou fast… or did he?? Hm…-cough-cover up-cough-}

Jakotsu: You bet my little muffin bear~3

Naraku: [grins and takes his hand] Let's go make those boys jealous.

Tori: [wave at Jakotsu and Naraku] Bye you guys, say hi to Orochimaru and Kabuto for me ok? [giggle]

Naraku and Jakotsu: Sure thing hun!

Tori: [walks over to the news desk and sees Ikuto, talking on his cell]

Ikuto: Hey, Amu did you see me?

_Amu:_ _Sure did! I say we celebrate! Come to my place and I'll make you something sweet._ {nothing perverted intended she's still young ya know}

Ikuto: Alright be there in ten. [hangs up phone, waves to Tori and dashes to the door]

Tori: [sighs and sits in her chair] Everyone has someone…[puts head on desk]

Sasuke: [walks in door] I'm… mentally scarred… for life… that… is the **last** time I'm covering a rape story. [notices no one is there {or doesn't see Tori} and walks back out side ranting]

Tori: [looks around and heard the door shut] Of course… [sadly stands up and grabs her stuff] Time to go buy a couple of drinks…the fake i.d is so amazing. [walks to door, and notices Sasuke] I wish I wouldn't see him before I went to the bar…

**End :3**

**Besu: Didja-like-it? Didja-like-it??? This be the first edition of News Channel Infinity! I'm sorry if we offended or scarred anyone for life…**

**Tori: [nod nod]**

**Besu: Und we dun own any anime people—just our magical ideas, us, and News Channel Infinity~ [The potatos in joor kitchen too] So please review! I love you, Sam!! 3 [meh deformed potato :D]**

"**Hey, Tori came by. Tori came by tonight." "Victoria"-John Mayer**

"**Beth, what can I do?" "Beth" – Kiss**

**Beth: …Mine's better**

**Tori: whatever... they're old :]**

**Beth: Meh… oh well. Anyway—please review, people! [Und joo can tell us who's song ish better too =D]**


	2. The Late Night Shikamaru Show :3

We realized after uploading the first chapter we didn't list what characters were going to be in there. We didn't want to edit it, because we're lazy like that. This chapter is for our entertainment, and we wanted to know what Shikamaru would be like, like a Dr. Phil person x3

Sho here be teh characters!

Main People: Besu[anchor], Tori[anchor], Pizza[anchor], InuYasha[sports], Jakotsu[weather], Winry[traffic].

Other news people: Sango and Cookies/Hughes[sound person], Miroku[producer], Ikuto[un-paid intern], Kaname[lotto-announcer], Ichijo[we don't know. He just shows up], Sasuke[on scene reporter], Naraku[on scene camera dude], Twinkle Princess/Ed[doughnut boy], Jelly/Riza[Pizza's babysitter], Macho Nacho/Armstrong and Tsunade[editors], Kagome[gets stories], Naruto[in studio camera dude], Peanut Butter/Al[Adopt a pet], Tobi and L[Rates resturaunts], Misa and TenTen[fashion update], Sakura[on scene reporter], Kankuro and Light [Consumer Alert], Itsuki[politics and government], Tohru and Kagura [Does it work?], Kanna, Souta, Kisa[top 20 songs], Koaru and Hikaru[advice people], Hatsuharu and Teletha Testorossa[tech support], Haruhi Suzumiya![covers rape stories], Kakashi and Ayame[make-up and hair], Kurz and Sousuke[back up anchor], Kouga and Houjo[lighting]

Other Other people: Shippo[Tori's slave], Shikamaru and Ino [Shikamaru show people], Kikyou, Yazoo[you know why], Honey-senpai and Gohan[fan people. There are more. we just don't know them yet], The Stevens family, Lord Fluffy Butt, Rin, and Jaken[we dunknow yet]. And others to come! :D

* * *

[Camera zooms over audience, and lands upon Shikamaru, who is sitting in a chair and his name in huge letters on a screen behind him]

[At some random huge bar in the middle of downtown]

Tori: Ah, Shikamaru's show is about to start… [smiles while drinking a martini] This one outta be good

[Shikamaru's Stage]

Shikamaru: Hello everyone. I'm Shikamaru–as you know–and today we have a very… unique family.

[Ino walks the family out onto the stage and quickly leaves]

Mom: I don't believe it! How could you?!

Shikamaru: It seems we have caught them in the middle of a fight… it's a drag but interesting [strokes invisible beard]

[At the bar]

Tori: [chokes on martini] that woman was on the news two hours ago, how in the hell did her family get on so fast? I've been sending request to the smart ass three years and I still haven't gotten on! [throws glass at t.v above bartender's head]

[Shikamaru's Stage]

Shikamaru: Yes, if my assistant hadn't seen this woman throwing a strange naked woman into the garbage can, we wouldn't ever have been able to help this family. [thinking] Gah… I hate my life…

Child: Mommy? Why did you beat up my teacher? [bottom lip trembles]

Mom: She was being a bad, bad girl, sweetie.

Shikamaru: Well, I think I should introduce these…wonderful… people. The Stevens family! Tina, Mike, and little Dylan!

Dylan: Hello! [smiles the cutest little boy smile ever]

Crowd: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww~3

Tina: Hi, everyone.

Mike: Hey…[turns his eyes away from wife and child]

Dylan: Mr. Nara?

Shikamaru: Yes?

Dylan: I know what made mommy so mad [grin]

Crowd: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww~3

Shikamaru: Really? What is it?

Dylan: Daddy and Ms. Clay were playing "the special game" after daddy would come a pick me u after school. He said that he would to talk to my teacher, and I would be like any kid and spy on him! He was playing "the special game," with Ms. Clay!!! [giggles, completely oblivious]

Tina: [fumes] WHAT?!?!?!?!

Shikamaru:…oooh....interesting.

Mike: Dylan! Why would you say something like that? [pretends to be shocked {not working so well}]

Dylan: Oh wait mommy, are you mad because Ms. Clay would play "the special game" and give me cookies even though I'm not suppose to have sugar?

Tina: Wait… huh?

Shikamaru: I believe there is more than one "special game"…

Dylan: Yep! [smiles]

Crowd: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww~3

[At bar]

Tori: [laughs hysterically] oh my geez!!! That's so f'n hilarious!!!

[Shikamaru's Stage]

Shikamaru: I suggest a divorce… [stands] uhh thank you and everyone have a nice night. I can't even help…you people are screwed up…

Crowd: Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha!!!

**END!! :3**


	3. Tuesday morning blah :DDD

Besu: [walks into studio with coffee and yawns] Its too earlyyyy….[complain complain complain]

Sasuke: Hn…good morning Besu, Tori's late do you know where she is? [stares as Tsunade runs by saying something about a typo]

Besu: Ah. Good morning, Sasuke. [smiles] But… I don't know where she is. Maybe she went drinking again last night. You were the last one out right? Didn't you see her leave?

Sasuke: [strokes chin] I don't recall seeing her…I was ranting when I came in and all the lights were off, maybe she was in the dressing room. [realizes something] She drinks?

Besu: Uh… no?

Kagome: Ooooh!!!! I am SO going to kill her!

Itachi: Ooooh she's going to ruin that gorgeous body of hers! Drinking to much will make her have a little belly [clicks tongue] tsk tsk

Besu: Erk. [gulps]

Miroku: Guuuuys! We have to start getting ready! 30 minutes, people!

Besu: Y-Yessir! [glad to change subject]

[Jakotsu and Naraku burst through the door much more dramatically then necessary]

Jakotsu: I can't believe you, you BASTARD!!!! How could you leave me at the bar all alone while you go mess around with some pretty boy!!! [swings head to the side even more dramatically]

Naraku: I'm sorry, gummy bear… I mean I… I… [walks away in shame]

Itachi: [gasp] Awwww Jakotsu! Sweetie I'm here! [hugs Jakotsu stroking his hair]

Sasuke: Oh my god…we Uchiha's are the hottest people around! And we can get any girl we want and he chooses the GAYEST guy!!! That's screwed up!

Sakura: So true, so true

Shippo: [shakes head] idiot…

Ayame: [in usual strange voice] Oh dear good thing Tori-chan isn't here to witness and hear such words!

Jakotsu: [storms back into dressing room]

Itachi: Wait, my Snuggle-muffin!! [runs after Jakotsu]

[Tori runs into door, forgetting that the door was pull not push]

Tori: Owww… [picks up coffee cup that hit the ground and opens the door correctly] Good morning guys [hoarse voice]

[Everyone in the studio stares at Tori]

Tori: …What?... [rubs temples] I don't feel so good… stupid vodka…

Macho Nacho: [runs up to Tori] Oh, young one! What makes you think you must drink?? Drinking does NOT run in the Armstrong family! …Except for my great-uncle… but we don't think of him much. [sparklesparkle]

Tori: [glares] Number 1. I'm not that young Number 2. I don't think Number 3. I'm not part of your stupid Armstrong family, so go sparkle where someone cares [starts to walk away]

Macho Nacho: Nonsense! Everyone in this studio is an honorary member of the Armstrong family, says I! Alex Louis Armstrong!

Sasuke: Then I disown myself…

Tori: You know what you crazy sparkle man? I'm not part of any family! [walks to dressing room]

[Everyone stops doing what they are doing and is silent]

Cookies: I'll go try and cheer her up. I mean–[pulls out picture of Elsia] who couldn't be happy after seeing this ADORABLE little face!!!! [goes all cutesie-wootsie]

Ikuto: [slaps Cookies on the back of the head] I doubt seeing your daughter would make things better…she's been through a lot, so shut up

[In the dressing room]

Jakotsu: [crying in front of the mirror] Whyyyyyy????????.... [snifflesniffle]

Itachi: [pats Jakotsu's back] There, there Sweetie… you're too good for him.

Jakotsu: [sniffle] But… but… he was so wonderful to me! I mean the way he ooooohed to me and that time in Miroku's office… ahhh. Amazing [sniffle]

Tori: Ewww. God no one cares about the sob story. Can I please have some clothes! I'm going to puke!

Jakotsu: [throws stuff at Tori] Here…

Tori: [changes inhumanly fast wee] Thank you… [shudder]

[Tori walks out of dressing room]

Tori: Hey Miroku, I would get your office to be cleaned by acid if I were you [quivers]

Miroku: Why? [raises eyebrow]

Tori: Naraku and Jakotsu did some funky stuff in there, if you catch my drift… [shudders again]

Miroku: O_O Wh-what?

Tori: [nods] I don't know how they did it either? I mean where did Naraku stick his—

Inuyasha: We are on in two minutes! Get your ass to your desk Tori!

Besu: [is pushed to her desk in new outfit by Ayame] D:

Ayame: You look amazing! As I told you, all men will be fantasizing about you~!

Besu: Er… Thank you?

Pizza: [is already at the desk in nice outfit] Ah. My two lovely ladies have arrived into my presence… finally.

Tori: Can it pervert…

Pizza: I resent that! [glares]

Tori: [death glare] don't test me this morning

Besu: Oh c'mon guys! Jelly isn't here again so—

Pizza: WHYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?! [goes in fetal position] MY JELLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! TTATT

Tori: [growls and stands] You stupid stupid little man! [punches Pizza in the chin and he goes flying into Tsunade]

Tsunade: [looks down] I may know you, but that gives you no reason to have your face is in my chest, stupid miniature twit!!! [punches Pizza into the air and he lands in his chair]

Tori: [grinning while sipping coffee] That made my day

Twinkle Princess: [snickers] Ha! Tsunade just took over Jelly's job

Kagome: Alright guys! Quiet on the set!! [grins]

Tori: This isn't a movie set Kagome [shakes head]

Miroku: Pizza! Get back into your place. We're on in 10 seconds!

Tori: [fluffs hair]

Shippo: Here's your morning milkshake Tori-sama! [twitches a smile]

Tori: [grabs milkshake] thank you my pet. You will get ice cream today! [gleams]

Pizza: [sits down] _

Miroku: 3! 2! [mouths one and does a thumbs up]

[Epic theme music plays and camera zooms in on the three silhouettes sitting at a desk]

Besu: Good Morning, City that we live in! I'm Besu Kuroda and this is Tuesday at 6 am :D

Tori: Good morning people that are watching this news cast…why am I talking to the camera? None of them know me…

Naruto: Tori, just please hurry! I have to get this camera out of your face before it breaks! [shouts from behind the camera]

Tori: I'm Tori Ao and I'm about to kick someone's ass! Excuse me for a moment [stands and leaves stage]

Besu: Uhm… well let's go to Jakotsu with weather and Winry with traffic.

Pizza: [nods] Yeah. That. _ [slams head onto desk]

[Camera wildly zooms over to Jakotsu, who is fixing his face in a compact]

Jakotsu: [looks at camera] Oh! Me already? Tori must've threatened to kill someone again… Any-whoosie~ [puts compact away] Ooooh~ [way off tune] The weather outside is frightful~

[Sango and Cookies start playing the tune for "Let it snow"]

Jakotsu: [clears throat] Well, kiddies~ It's almost Thanksgiving so I guess that could explain the OMG major cold front that came through late last night when it snowed… So I'd be putting those shorts right back up. But now you can show off those 5000000000 dollar pair of boots you just bought =D Be careful not to slip on your way to get your turkey–or Christmas tree– which ever one you celebrate first ;) Oh! And I know you lovely people out there are getting your little kiddies ready for school, so be sure to bundle them up nice and snuggly so the monsters can't eat them alive!

Twinkle Princess: [whispers to Miroku] He's awfully chipper for someone who just broke up with his boyfriend…

Miroku: Hm… I wonder what happened…

[in the dressing room]

Itachi: Hm… now where is my underwear…? [searches epically]

[back with Jakotsu]

Jakotsu: =D So Winry?

Winry: Yeah…[stares at camera that is inches from her face] Oh, I guess it's my turn? [looks at camera again] Naruto are you ok?

Naruto: [shakes head, eyes wide]

Winry: Okie dokie! Well for traffic it's a total mess out there! A school bus crashed into a lamp post, because of the ice. A man was run over by a crazy old woman who had to go get her turkey before they ran out and a little boy got hit by the Ass Master and his girlfriend when they were driving…well not really driving actually. It's just to inappropriate to say on television.

Sasuke: [mumbles] inappropriate my foot…did you not see last nights news cast?

Winry: [completely ignores Sasuke] Back to Besu with…whatever she's going to talk about…

[Naruto swings camera back to Besu and Pizza. Tori runs and lands in her chair, and grips the desk]

Besu: Hello again. Well as for this morning's stories… we don't have much. So we'll go to Misa and TenTen with "Fashion Update"

[Fashion Update in huge bold letters blink and appear behind Besu, camera flies over to TenTen and Misa who are talking quietly]

Misa: OHH! Hello I'm Misa Amane

TenTen: And I'm… TenTen? Anyway, we are here to give you the fashion update. How I got this job… I will never know…

Misa: So as you heard the weather outside is frightful, so that means, what coats are in and out this season! Like the one TenTen here is wearing [points to brown bubble jacket] That is soooo last year!

TenTen: But it** is **warm. [looks at camera] Remember, people, don't take little miss Barbie's advice if it's completely unreasonable. Like she's going to tell you some light little jacket is "Fashionable": but you'll probably wind up getting sick.

Misa: Excuse me?! [squeaky shrill voice] I know what I'm talking about for your stupid info! News flash sweetie I'm way more good-looking and smarter than you! [nods] And I have a boyfriend [nods more] You're some stupid tomboy that knows nothing about fashion or manners! HMPH!

TenTen: Ha! Good one! No one would EVER date a weirdo like you. And just so you know, you'd could never beat me in anything, unless it's a I'm-so-ugly-and-girly-I-should-rule-the-world contest!

Misa: [stands up, her skirt swishing in random wind] Bring it on bitch!

Hikaru: OMG!!! Girl fight!! [brings out cell phone and records]

Kaoru: Hikaru-nii-san!! I thought you only brought out the cell phone to record us!!! =O

TenTen: [rolls eyes] Like you could ever stand a chance against me.

Misa: Really? [punches TenTen in da face!! then quickly turns around shaking her throbbing hand] is your face made of stone or something?

TenTen: [glares] Oh, your gonna get it now. [stands and merely takes one step forward and Misa takes off running] I win :D

Misa: [runs to dressing room screaming] Not the face! Not my beautiful face!!! [opens dressing room door and Itachi is bending over still looking for his underwear]

Itachi: [doesn't notice Misa in the doorway] I swear I thought I saw him throw them over here! Where are they?!

Misa: [screams and turns away] My eyes! My beautiful eyes have been ruined! I've been scarred for of life and even after life!!!

Besu: [sigh] Only our news cast… Naruto! Back to us, please. I believe they're done.

Naruto: [swings camera around]

Tori: [gleams] Well we have to go to L and Tobi for "Rate a Restaurant" …I know the name is lame just go with it ok… oh and I love Tobi!!! :p

[Naruto swings camera to L and Tobi]

L: Hello.

Tobi: [smiles] Tobi loves you all, Tobi especially loves Tori-chan! Well the first restaurant today is…what is it L-san?

L: Asian Kitchen. A small new restaurant by Kroger.

Tobi: Tobi love that place! It passes with an 10!!! [a huge 10 in red is stamped onto the camera and disappears] The next restaurant is…ahhh…what is it L-san?

L: [sigh] It is Fajitas. A fairly old but very small restaurant over by… AutoZone.

Tobi: Tobi don't like Mexican food and the service was horrible [cough-Goku-cough]

It gets a -1! [swings arms and a zero appears on camera] Tobi said -1!!!

Naruto: the numbers are 0-10 Tobi!!

Tobi: Tobi said -1!!!

Naruto: Naruto is about to kick Tobi's butt for being retarded, and always talking in third person!!!

L: …oy… Well I guess that concludes our segment [smiles] Bye.

[Naruto swings camera and all three at the desk smile]

Tori: Well I believe that is all for today, I'm Tori Ao!

Besu: I'm Besu Kuroda :]

Pizza: And I'm Ro-I mean Pizza Mustang [salute] Be sure to tune in tonight!

**Off air**

Tori: [stands and heads to the dressing room]

Misa: Don't open that door! [screams and covers eyes]

Tori: [raises eyebrow] why? [opens door and shuts it immediately] oh my god…they're doing each other on top of my favorite pair of jeans!!! AHHHHH!!!

Besu: [walks over] What's with all the screaming?

Inuyasha: Yeah seriously you guys are killing my ears

Tori: Jakotsu and Itachi are screwing each other in there! [walks away slowly] Sasuke kill your brother now! [shouts and grimaces]

Inuyasha: [twitches]

Naraku: NOOOOO! Whhhhyyyyyyy I thought you loved meeeee!!! [opens dressing room door crying]

Itachi: You can always join us [wipes mouth]

Jakotsu: Noooo! I'm mad at him! Don't tell me you like him?!?!?!

Itachi: [still laying on top of Jakotsu] Of course not, but he would make it fun. If you're mad at him… [squeezes something and Jakotsu squeals in pleasure]

Jakotsu: Well… I don't know…

Naraku: [throws of clothes and closes dressing room door]

Jakotsu: I hate you sooo mu—ahhhhhhhh you always know where it feels good

Itachi: He's amazing!!!

Naraku: Kukuku…

[in the studio]

Tori: I have no where to go so I'm going to crash in the break room [waves hand and stares as Sasuke rocks back and forth in fetal position]

Sasuke: I have no brother, I have no brother

Tori: [holds out hand and looks away] Come on we can go chill in there away from that…

Sasuke: Hn… Alright [stands up on his own]

Tori: [drops her hand by her side and thinks] he doesn't want everyone seeing him get help… [out loud] Bye guys! Besu I'll see you later, have fun with Ichijo! [snickers]

Besu: [blush blush blush] Eh?!

Ichijo: =D

Tori: [walks to break room with Sasuke behind her] Peace and quiet [lays down on couch, as Sasuke closes the door]

Sasuke: [sits in comfy chair] Yesh… [tries to tune out thumping from next room] if you say so.

Tori: [closes eyes] Sasuke…do you think I'm pitiful?

Sasuke: Not at all. You're very strong and independent.

Tori: [flips on stomach and puts chin on arm of couch] really? You don't think I'm weird or pushy do you?

Sasuke: Sorta.

Tori: [laughs] Ok whatever… [Silence] Sasuke? [shy voice]

Sasuke: Hm? [looks at Tori]

Tori: [blushes and looks at ceiling] Uh um…nevermind…

Sasuke: No tell me.

Tori: I uhh [ stands up and walks over to Sasuke and kisses him]

Sasuke: [BLUSH and thinks] HOLY FUDGE-CICLES

Tori: [pulls away and stares at Sasuke] I think I love you…

Sasuke: ._.

Tori: [steps back] I'm sorry, that was uncalled for… [looks down]

Sasuke: [stands and hugs Tori] No need to be sorry [pulls away slightly and kisses Tori]

Sakura: [opens break room door and stares] was not expecting that… [turns around and leaves]

Tori: [pulls away breathless] hope she isn't mad

Sasuke: who cares, she likes Naruto now…can't you tell? [smiles and kisses Tori again]

**End Tuesday Morning!!! :3**


End file.
